Why “Letting Them” Might Be the Healthiest Thing You Can Do

Written By Erik Pantin

By Andrea Gonzalez
Published June 30, 2025

When was the last time you bent yourself out of shape trying to manage someone else’s behavior, opinion, or expectations? 

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone, trust me. Many of us struggle with over-functioning, especially in relationships where we want to feel loved, accepted, or in control. But there’s growing awareness that detachment—not in the cold or indifferent sense, but as an act of emotional self-respect—can be a game-changer for mental health.

Enter: The Let Them Theory.

Coined by Mel Robbins and recently explored in Psychology Today by Dr. Diana Raab, the Let Them Theory encourages people to stop micromanaging others’ choices and instead adopt a mindset of radical acceptance and inner calm (Raab, 2024).

What Is the Let Them Theory?

The idea is simple: If someone wants to walk away, let them. If they exclude you, let them. If they make assumptions, let them. If they do something you do not like, let them. 

This is not about apathy, it’s about surrendering control over things you can’t change. In therapy, we call this healthy detachment. Rather than constantly trying to fix, explain, or chase, we choose to let people be who they are—and focus on who we are becoming. 

The Psychological Power of Detachment

From a clinical perspective, emotional detachment, when it is practiced in a healthy way, can support mental well-being by:

● Lowering anxiety and reactivity in interpersonal relationships (Bowen, 1978)
● Preserving self-worth and boundaries in situations of rejection or conflict (Miller et al., 2005)
● Encouraging autonomy and emotional regulation
● Creating space for authentic, mutual connection—rather than people-pleasing or controlling behavior

As Dr. Raab notes, adopting a “let them” mindset can free us from emotional entanglement and allow us to focus on inner peace and self-growth (Raab, 2024).

How to Practice “Let Them” in Daily Life

Practicing detachment isn’t always easy—especially if you’re used to overgiving, caretaking, or being the peacekeeper. But it’s a muscle you can build.

Here are a few ways to integrate the Let Them Theory into your life:

1. Pause Before Reacting

When someone triggers a reaction, try pausing for 10 seconds before responding. Ask yourself: Is this worth my energy? 

2. Reframe the Story

Instead of thinking, “They’re rejecting me,” try: “They’re making choices that reflect them—not my worth.”

3. Reclaim Your Power

Shift your focus from managing others to managing your energy. Invest in things that align with your values, not your fears.

4. Use Affirming Language

Practice mantras like: “I can love them and let them.” or “I’m allowed to protect my peace.”

What Gets in the Way

It’s natural and okay to struggle with detachment if you fear abandonment, have been raised in codependent environments, or derive your value from being needed. But clinging often leads to burnout, resentment, and misaligned relationships. In contrast, detachment invites us into relationships based on freedom, not force. 

How Therapy Can Help

At Baypoint Counseling Center in Miami, we help clients explore the deeper reasons behind emotional overattachment—and build healthier relational patterns.

Whether you’re navigating a breakup, dealing with toxic dynamics, or simply learning to stop overextending, therapy offers a safe space to practice letting go and tuning in.

You don’t have to harden your heart. You just have to protect your peace. Book a Free Consultation

Works Cited


Erik Pantin
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