How To Help Someone When They Are Grieving
Grief, death, and loss are topics that are not discussed enough. Our collective avoidance of these subjects leads to confusion and discomfort when it comes time to help someone who is in mourning. We often don’t know what to say. We feel awkward as does the person who has suffered a loss. At a time when authentic human contact can have a profound effect, too many of us keep things at a surface level.
But it’s never too late to challenge this trend. With commitment and compassion, we can become more supportive in tough times. Comforting those who mourn elevates everyone involved.
What Not to Do When Someone Is Grieving
Even if you have the best of intentions, what you say and do in this challenging scenario can ring hollow. It can even serve to make things worse. To be a positive presence in the face of a loss, here are two things to avoid:
1. Avoidance
Avoid avoidance. A bereaved person wants their loss and pain to be acknowledged. Part of you may wish to evade such conversations but this is when you must do your best to push past the discomfort. Reach out. Offer your condolences. Most importantly, let them know you’re available to talk and listen. Allow them to guide where things go from there.
2. Cliche responses
You know what we mean. Comments like this seem to get passed down from generation to generation:
“Stay strong”
“Be strong”
“They’re in a better place”
“They wouldn’t want you to be sad”
“At least they’re not suffering anymore”
“It’s time to move on”
Your heart may be in the right place but none of the above is truly helpful. There’s no need to try finding the “perfect” response. Keep it simple and be sure to let the person know you’re available to help.
How To Help Someone When They Are Grieving
Keep the Focus on the Person Who is Mourning
Give them space to talk. Sure, if you knew the individual who died, you’ll share some thoughts and feelings. But the idea is to allow the bereaved person to express their grief. Now is not the time to compare it example in your own life. Instead, make room to listen to memories, emotions, regrets, and more — as they pertain to the deceased. Speaking of listening…
Listen
It’s very hard to find the right word to express loss and mourning. Be patient as the grieving person struggles to articulate their feelings. Recognize that your patient listening is a wonderful gift. No judgment and no interruptions.
Give Them Space if Needed
This is tricky. After a loss, we may think we need to be alone but it’s not always the best course of action. To offer true sympathy, listen with compassion, and back off when asked. But… keep an eye on them because isolation can add to the pain. Find ways to gently check-in
Stay in Touch After Things Get Back to “Normal”
When the funeral is over, visiting relatives head back home and those closest to the deceased must return to work. Quite often, this is when reality hits the hardest. Keep in mind that supporting someone through a loss doesn’t end just because society says it does. Be available even after some time has passed. Honor their grief through its full process.
Support is Available
Suffering a loss can be debilitating. Being close to someone who is grieving can also be a challenge. In either instance, you can get professional support. No one has all the answers. That’s why meeting regularly with a therapist can be so helpful and comforting.
Reach out to learn more about grief counseling.