The Gentle Art Of Grieving Through The Holidays: When Joy and Sorrow Are Both Invited To The Table

Dec 18

By Dr. Veronica Dumas, Psy.D., featured in Miami Shores Living Magazine
Published on 12/18/25

The holidays in Miami Shores arrive with lights decorating our streets and homes, the air turning gently cool and now and then the comforting scent of wood smoke from a nearby fireplace. It’s a season made for joy and connection, however, for many it is also a time when grief quietly pulls up a chair next to us.

Perhaps this is your first year without someone you love. Maybe you are grieving a change—a relationship that has shifted, your health, the loss of a pet, or the life you thought you would be living.

Grief expert, David Kessler reminds us that grief is love that has nowhere to go.

GRIEF COMES IN MANY FORMS

You don’t have to actually lose a person to grieve. Loss shows up in many different ways:

The end of a friendship, job or chapter in your life.
Health changes or aging
Divorce or separation
Moving away or feeling disconnected
The loss of the way things "used to be"
A miscarriage
Empty nesting
The end of a life cycle like college or retirement
The loss of independence as we age

Grief is the natural response to any loss that matters.

WHY THE HOLIDAYS STIR IT UP

The holiday season with its celebratory nature, often magnifies the absence of something that is no longer there. As grief expert David Kessler explains, many of us struggle when we compare our inner pain to the joy that is outside of us especially during the holiday season.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE COMMON TRIGGERS?

Empty chairs at the family table during special meals
Traditions that feel different and painful
Holiday songs, smells or places that trigger memories from the past
Expectations to be cheerful in social settings when you just can't fake it
Social media posts that make it seem like everyone else is fine

So even in the middle of Miami’s bright and joyful holiday season, grief can make it feel as though a cloud lingers over everything, dimming even the sunniest days.

GENTLE WAYS TO COEXIST WITH GRIEF

Loss is not something you just "get over with"—you only need to make space for it.

Try the following compassionate practices:

Light a candle of remembrance. Let it burn for who or what you miss.
Share a story. Speak their name or memory out loud.
Rest without guilt. It’s OK to say no, to leave early or to skip traditions that right now are too much.
Ask for what you need. Let friends and family know how to best support you.
Acknowledge all losses. In addition to people and pets, you can also grieve health, safety, or something that you wish would have happened and did not.

"Grief needs to be witnessed in order to heal" says David Kessler. Allow others to see your pain.

FINDING MEANING, NOT JUST ACCEPTANCE

The process of grief is not about letting go, it’s about finding new ways to carry love forward. Kessler calls this the sixth stage of grief: finding meaning.

Start a new ritual. Add an ornament, plant something, cook their favorite dish.
Give back. Volunteer, donate or help someone in their pain or loss.
Keep the connection alive. Talk about your loved one or about the part of life you miss.
Notice quiet growth. Compassion, resilience, tenderness; they’re all forms of meaning.
Recognizing meaning is yours to find in your own time.
Know that you don't have to understand why the loss occurred to find meaning.
Allow meaning to emerge, even though you’ll still feel the cost of the loss.

WHEN YOU NEED SUPPORT

The stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and meaning, are not linear or predictable. Grief moves in waves, it loops back and forward between emotions as we learn to live with a loss. It does not follow a straight line, but rather it ebbs and flows throughout our life.

There are times when we may be able to deal with the emotions by ourselves and others when we need support from friends, family, our community and sometimes professionals who specialize in grief counseling. Attending a grief group in person or virtually can significantly alleviate symptoms of grief. Grief.com is a great resource for virtual communities.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

If this season feels heavy, take it slow. Allow yourself to feel joy at least momentarily and also let sorrow stay as long as it needs to.

It is OK to hang the lights and cry as you do it. You can laugh and feel pain at the same time. You can celebrate AND remember your loved one.

So this holiday season perhaps decrease your expectations of perfection and just lean into learning how to live with both grief and grace side-by-side like old friends.

If you would like more information on grief and would like additional support throughout your process, Baypoint Counseling Center is here for you. Visit us at www.baypointcounselingcenter.com or give us a call at 305-518-0202. Our therapists are trained in grief counseling, and are ready to help you process your pain.